You just can’t please everybody

… Well, keep in mind I do like to help people. I happen to think manners matter and helping those around you is important, though saying no once in a while can’t hurt. But the real point of this text is this: seek compromise instead of wasting time and resources on something that’s bound to fail. And do take this verbatim, no interpretation is required because I’m sort of bonkers.

               Some people go overboard with trying to please everybody, they’ll work their arse off believing it’s a good choice either because of their upbringing or because they think that by doing it they’ll score some points with the higher-ups. No, compromise isn’t a factor here. Compromise means I give something up and you give something up and that way we both get something we both want but without a clear winner or loser. It isn’t an issue, it’s just common sense. Pleasing everybody is something else, it requires no compromise from the parties involved because it means nobody gives up anything. Can that work? Only if you’re sure you can find the perfect solution to a given problem because most of the time the perfect solution is like an unicorn – you hear they exist, but get one picture of them and it’s a rhinoceros that looks nothing like a horse. I can’t do perfect. In a world of 8 billion people, somebody might, eventually, but I can’t put money on that without buying a lottery ticket first. So, is it possible?

               Maybe. Perhaps. Nichego. Forgetaboutit. Huh? Well, I’d say from experience the smaller the number of people involved, the better chance you have of pleasing everybody. Hell, I’d say the maximum number is one. Why? People want different things because they are different individuals that usually act based on emotions and not on reason or logic. Furthermore, people want to know there’s a clear winner and a clear loser, deep down, and every single one of them would like to be the winner. Sometimes they can’t help it, sometimes they just want to see the world burn but each and every one of them would gladly trip you if the payoff is small enough to not matter. Want something from somebody? Make ‘em believe they’re above you, make them believe they’ll profit more than you and you’ve got yourself a deal. But I digress, that’s social tactics 101 and not worth going through it right now. The point is, the only way to please everybody is to make separate deals with each of them without them knowing.

               After some years of walking the plank, I have to say 99.9% of the people I’ve met, stink. They will disagree on everything, sometimes because it suits them, sometimes because it suits others more and sometimes just because. Five people could sport seven different opinions, often because their spoken opinion differs from the unspoken one(s) and those differences sometimes resemble quantum theory (as in chaotic). It is madness to accomodate everything – those of us that try find it to be an impossible task that serves only to keep one’s mind and body occupied and diverts them from more productive endeavors, nothing good ever comes of it. If I were to give them a something without a stated demand, they’ll take it and demand more themselves because if I gave them something for free then surely it was their right to begin with.

               In the same beeline, humble means exploitable. Asking instead of demanding means weakness. No, it shouldn’t, those aren’t desirable beliefs but they surely cover our lives. All people over the age of 30 have them, unless they’ve been hiding in the woods or haven’t done much socializing. The only thing that matters is social status, the higher up you get the less flak you’ll receive for having those nice personality traits the bible usually covers. People forget that compromise is better on all accounts. Getting people to do it is the hard part. Everything changes, that’s a fact few are willing to accept because it usually hurts. Even fewer are willing to accept it if they are the only ones doing it – therefore for any change to be accepted you have to show them everybody is doing it. Compromise is, here, the perfect solution – not because it’s better than the other “perfect solution” but because it’s has a better chance of succeeding, it’s easier to accept a decision that on the long run will have good results if in the short run hurts everybody the same.

               Pleasing everybody means nothing ever gets done. Compromise means, on a psychological basis, a measurement of effort and reward – therefore half the battle is won if all parties start shifting from emotional to rational decision mode. It may fail but it will fail because the negociation failed and not because some spur-of-the-moment feeling in one’s gut even before they had a chance to look at the bullet points. Not considering this, a choice is always yes or no. Going in for a compromise solution shifts the chances up – a negotiation actually makes room for more results – a no, a yes and a conditional yes based on how much I’m willing to give and how much is the other fellow willing to give. Always go for that.


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