Woman in the city

… equality means the wolf deciding to eat either a monkey or a cow by giving them the same test – to climb a tree.

               I don’t think women can work everything a man can. I also think they shouldn’t be prevented from trying. What I hate about our society is entitlement – if I’m a woman and want a job, it belongs to me. It doesn’t matter the job requires tall people, the company should provide a stair or a chair. It doesn’t matter if it’s a job for strong, athletic types – I’m short and fat, I want the job, you have to change the requirements to fit me. I deserve that. I’m perfect just the way I am, you have to accept me. You don’t accept me? Then you’re discriminating me, opressing me, and I believe it’s not fair. I hear men doing that, but it’s mostly the women who do it. Why? No idea. I can’t understand how I think, I don’t understand how my wife thinks, you think I’ll understand random strangers?

               This is why I don’t think women can’t do every job there is. For that matter, I don’t think men can, either. It’s not a gender issue, it’s a skill issue. I have a bad back – why should I get the job of delivering packages instead of a young fellow with impressive muscles? I’m good with spatial geometry and identifying patterns – why shouldn’t I get the job of cryptographic analysis over some woman who can’t see modulations on a fourrier gamma series but yells there’s no women in the department. Why is gender bigger than skill? Why are we so afraid of social ripples we’re willing to give up objectivity by favoring political correctness?

               I have worked for really inspiring people. I’ve been a somewhat less remarcable a boss. I’ve hired, I’ve fired, I’ve been on the other end of the stick – but I’ve never seen a situation where this rule of equality at work was worth a damn. Skill, knowledge, on the other hand… now those are worth their weight in platinum. Equality is only good when it comes to access to jobs or rights, not success. If you believe that some women have to be successfull because some men are, you’re an idiot. Same thing if we change genders. It’s like saying there’s no need to eat, you’ll be hungry soon. Humans have no intrinsic attributes in regard to luck or success – we’re each one dice – now roll 7 billion dice and think only the odd or even dices are lucky – are you mad? I think rejecting a woman because she is a woman is stupid, I actually only hired women in my day. However, I do think rejecting a woman because she can’t do the job is correct. If that job means running around carying fire hidrants to put out fires, we’ll see more men than women. If the job means sitting in an office musing over the meaning of excel spreadsheets – you’ll see more women than men. It’s logical, it’s a natural distribution of strengths and weaknesses, like you’ll find in a swot matrix. Men could do just as well with spreadsheets – but only very few women can handle the oxygen tank, 30 kilograms of hose and other firefighting equipment and still perform at the same level men can. Though there are men who can’t lift a shoe without straining their back, I know a few. Ergo, if men think they have a better chance at firefighting, they’ll head there – because they’ll only be competing with men, while choosing spreadsheets would have them racing against a lot more candidates. It’s logic. It’s like having 2 jobs you’re suited for, one with two candidates for one job and the other with 7 candidates for one job – and you can only apply for one of them. Which way would you go?

               Choosing gender over skill is only one part of the equation, a big part but there’s a hell of a lot more to it. There’s really more smart women than there are smart men, and they also have the upper hand – men needed women more than women needed men. The second women understood they didn’t have to get married, men lost. Looking back at history, the last century marks a shift in the power structure, with the father figure decreasing and the mother figure increasing in importance. Men are taught they are providers from an early age, so naturally they started to believe this role – that it is a requirement, a prerequisite of affection. We think we have to give them things to get their love (because we can’t force them to marry, not anymore) but in doing that we’ve also started replacing things with power. It’s not a bad idea, actually, learning not to take women for granted – it’s how we did it that was wrong. Arranged marriages went the way of the dodo so we have to put some actual effort into it. We used to be dominant, we used to have power and women had none. Now, we’ve transferred that power to women but instead of equality we’ve got a power shift.

               Now women are dominant, men aren’t and society is more and more maternal. Woman centric. Why? Because there’s a vacuum of power. Men are less agressive, less dominant, and more effeminate – it’s an identity thing. You think masculinity revolves around beards? Yea, right. Pull a fast one one a beard-sporting hipster or a hairless male model and see who screams like a little girl. Hint: both of them. Neither men or women actually know what they want. Initially, men had an identity and women were objects. Transferring power to women via gestures to win affection made women who weren’t satisfied to be objects demand men change their identity, to become more affectionate, more in touch with their feelings, more emphatic. And they did. Only by asking that, men thought this was what all women wanted – so they all changed. I told you men are idiots, this is proof. But women didn’t want them to go that far, but since they did and nobody was in charge, they stepped in – they’re assuming the role of men. They took the men’s power, their mojo. Heh, funny! Gender imbalance, but with the emphasis on the other side.. The future change is here – it’s just like a sinus wave, deviating up and down from the axis. When men discovered women didn’t like them effeminate, they suddenly experienced an identity crisis. They don’t know who they are and don’t know who they should be. So they revert to the older ways – like hipsters looking like lumberjacks. Behavior is the same, only looks are different. It’s ironic but not really, and it’s not at all surprising. The stupid ones also became agressive – preying on weaker women for doing what they think it’s a man’s job, even threatening or shaming them in public if they didn’t budge. They’re idiots, but they’re dangerous idiots in large numbers with no idea they’re either dangerous or dumb. I’m not making up excuses for such dumb … morons, I really think they should be locked up. It’s not normal – it’s a social failure that should be corrected. Has to be corrected. There’s nothing more dangerous than narcissists who have no idea who they are or have adopted the wrong film to act as a guide for their life story. It’s a stupid thing to believe they’ll go away, they won’t. Ignoring them will make them rage and any sort of reaction will only make them bolder. You can’t fight a battle where even if they lose, they win. You find their motivation, obliterate it – and deal with the fallout. No, it’s not a woman’s job to do it, men have to do it, because women fighting these sorry excuses for men would just reinforce their beliefs. We, as men, are responsible for them and we, as men, have to fix it.

               Women think men are idiots – and we are. We see that from an early age – girls mature faster than boys. They learn faster, they’re smarter than the boys the same age. I have no idea why. But it’s true. Same thing happens when they’re older. I might say this is an education issue, but I don’t have the data to support my theory. However, the farther we are from the equilibrium point, the bigger the issues. Men are confused, but now they’re reclaiming their lost legacy in form but not substance and whoops, it’s women’s turn to be confused. We used to be providers, but now that’s the women’s job. They’re repeating our mistakes. No, feminism isn’t an issue – it’s a definition we don’t use and if we use it, it’s not what we think it is. Feminism means equality, equal opportunity, equal rights – but what we have is stupidity and entitlement. And fear of being labeled politically incorrect. Time will make up for it, too. We were told not to work so much and because of that, women started working. A noble ideal, if we had stopped at working the same hours as women. But nooo, we couldn’t. Now we work less than women – how long you think this will last? Unless the women start drinking and we start going on paternity leave, women protesting too much work is bound to happen. Sure, there’s lots of cognitive mechanisms for dealing with dissonance, ranging from social pressure to consider careers as relationship substitutes to narcissism. It’s in our nature. But nature always tends to favor balance.

               The big elephant in the room we casually ignore is communication, honest to god questions and answers. The truth. Men don’t react to what women want – they react to what they think women want. Just like women. No man every asked a woman what she wanted, he asked his friends – and even if they didn’t know, they told him their opinions because we love to gossip, just like women. Now expand that scenario to the whole male population. Competing for the affection of women, we followed the herd. We started thinking numbers – if one small change gives us an advantage, a bigger change will give us a bigger advantage. Wrong way, I’d say. If a woman takes 9 months to give birth to a baby, 9 women won’t take 1 month to deliver a baby. I could be wrong, too. To compete for the affection of men, women became more feminine. To compete for the affection of women, men thought they also had to do it. It’s what the women want, ye’ know?

               We’re used to thinking men and women want different things. It may have been the case in the past, probably, possibly, but not anymore. Now we’re both equally confused – I mean, men working as much as they did had to be because of something, right? There’s got to be some hidden reward in it somewhere, innit? Well, it was, but not what women think – our reward was women. We worked so much because we thought more money equals better women. It didn’t, but since women didn’t ask us, we didn’t say. And then women copied us, up to the part where there’s no time for a woman to date, to look for affection and love, because they work too hard. Now it’s women’s turn to want male affection – and there’s so few free men willing to put up with them. Women wanted men to stay home more, to give them more attention and to allow them to grow without restrictions, now men want that from women. Not because of household duties – cooking and cleaning apparently are turn-offs these days – but because of the inability feel empathy. Because workaholics are narcissists often found in positions of power. It gives them validation for thinking that they are important and everybody else is replaceable. Narcissism works that way, I think. If anybody gets a job because they’re doing fantastic work, they tend to identify with it – they won’t think they need improvement in other areas, and the others are just supporting cast, tools to use when there’s a need for validation and then discarded. You can’t build a family by thinking you deserve everything and the others are there only to be supportive, giggle and give you standing ovations. It takes two to tango, you know. Family is work. Marriage is work. Both sides have to contribute. Which is why now, men started using on women exactly the same arguments that were used against them: “Since when your 12 hour/day job is harder than cooking, cleaning, caring for our kids while also working 9 to 5?”. Ironic twist, ain’t it?

               Think about it. Women work more, but not because they have to – it’s because it’s expected of them to work more. Career first, family second. Why do you think Facebook is targeting them over men? What need is there for social media to cover? Outside of narcissism, social media exists only as a relationship substitute. It gives us the illusion of social interraction while never ever interfering with work. Flowers, baby pictures, recipes, funny videos – all this has no other real purpose. You “like” or “share” a tear-inducing story and feel validated – I liked that so I must be good. I did something, even if it’s just clicking a button. Doing something real, something requiring effort – it would take too much time. So I resort to a substitute – I click Share or Like! and tell myself I’ve got more time. But what do I do with that time? Do I spend it with my loved ones? No, I work. I see more and more articles about finding true love on dating websites – they’re like brothels to me. Why are dating websites used? Because we don’t have time to waste on social activities – we work. And nobody thought to work less? Gee, that’s an offensive concept. If you don’t have time to date, to look for love outside the office, what do you think will happen if you find somebody compatible, after a few years? You think they have to love your inexistent workaholic persona? You think marriage is only about 2 people living together and spending less than an hour together awake? On the other hand, we might find a drop in divorce rates in younger people and an increase in older people – if you don’t bump into each other that often, annoying each other might be just that much harder.

               Social media works hand in hand with our employers to keep us from going nuts. If there’s ever an intrusion of social media in the office, you can be sure it’s the end of it. Employers might love to see you work 12 hours a day while also having the opportunity to check everything you do or have done. They can do background checks better, they can control your actions and social media gets money. The only one losing is you. Or me. Everybody. It’s not a coscious decision, they didn’t invent social media – they just use it, like we do. It’s a tool.

               I think we just passed the feminist ideal – and by passed I mean tilted the balance to the other side so much it’s like we just changed genders, like looking in the mirror. Women look stunning and men are just confused. Well, what did we expect? Whoever thinks women belong in the kitchen obviously has no bloody idea of what they’re supposed to be doing in bed. We have no idea what to think, how to behave or who we’re supposed to be. We just fake every bullet point on the cheat sheet and hope nobody notices. To be young now is to never know who you are. In a group of 7 people we have 9 different opinions over something, each one directly opposing the others. And we have to accept and respect every single one of them, because if we don’t we’re hurting the feelings of those in the group.

Post scriptum:

               Funny story time. A manager had to fire somebody from a team of 5 individuals. The older fellow said – you can’t fire me, I’ll sue you for age discrimination. The woman said – you can’t fire me, I’ll sue you for gender discrimination. Another said – I’m Irish, I’ll sue you for ethnic discrimination. The black fellow said – you can’t sue me, I’ll sue you for racial discrimination. Then came the turn of the youngest in the team, who looked around, sighed then said – I think I’m gay.

               Do you think it ain’t so?

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