Spring is coming. It’s here, you say? How about next year, is that next spring coming? Is next spring a winter or some other season? No? I’m right then, so what was your point? Funny you should ask (even if you don’t), but I’m welcoming spring – but not daylight savings – I’m already up at 6am every day, telling me I have to sleep less is more likely to get you hurt if I’m out of coffee. Those like me, who’ve seen the fall of the Berlin Wall live on telly and remember what is like to not have smartphones, mostly hate morning people. Them’s too bloody happy for them’s own good. So shut it, you hear? Get back here with me coffee.
But I like spring – skirts the size of my handkerchief just pop everywhere and no, I’m not in Scotland so I’m happy about it. To the dismay of scots everywhere, I do not like the sight of hairy legs. Wait, there’s more. Yes, I know, I’m not really into that, either. So here’s my thing – if you’re a woman, I don’t care if your legs are shaved or not, unless you’re hot. But I’m ugly so there, you could shave your legs but I won’t get any better looking. Think of it as you’d think of a man driving a 10 ton SUV – I’m compensating for something.
Pop quiz – if you got three boxes of things, each of them mislabeled, one containing apples, another pears and the other apples and pears, and you want to label them correctly, what’s the minimum number of fruit you’ll pick from them?
The answer is one, as in one fruit – pick something from the apples and pears box – if it’s a pear, label the mislabeled “pear box” as apples and the last box as apples and pears.