Guilty shame. Part 1.

… said the spider to the fly.

               Look in the mirror. Go on, I’ll wait. How long did that take? A second? A minute? Did you like what you saw? You did? Scram, son, you’s perfect. Get out of here, you beautiful schadenfreude shmuck.

               Oh, you’re still here? Why? Are you not liking yourself? Are you fat? Are your frontal airbags too small? Are you tiny? Are you too skinny? Do you think I’m going to tell you to love yourself exactly the way you are, that it’s normal to be self conscious and sensitive to various … whatchagonnacallem .. defects? Do you think you have to fix something about how you look? Well now, stop right there.

               I’m not interested of what you look like or of what you think your reflection is lacking. I’m going to show you a wee bit of something you already know. Think of your failures, at work, at home – what do they have in common? That may be a bit too demanding so let’s try something simple. If you do a Venn diagram of your love life mistakes and failures, where would the circles intersect? What’s in the middle? Well duh, dummy, you are. The only thing all your love and relationship troubles and failures have in common, and that won’t change no matter how much you look around for crutches, that thing your brain believes is the only reason for striking out, is you. You failed. Is that right? Are you with me on this? It’s something you need to understand in order to heal.

               Do you think you’re defective because of that? Yes? Well there sonny, sit down, you’re wrong and I’ll show you why. Stop reading crap on girlie/men magazines, stop watching stupid tv shows – life’s more complicated than that. Let’s use an analogy here. Let’s say there is a top of the line quantum computer on the table in front of you. Don’t have a table? Well bloody get one then and stop pestering me with interruptions. Or imagine there’s a table there. Now, imagine there’s the fastest computer in the world sitting on it. Turn it on. Yep, it’s on. Now, open a calculator app there and input 2+2. What’s it give as a result? 4? What if it’s 5? What if the best and fastest computer in the world says 2 plus 2 equals 22? What would it mean?

               There is something geeks call duality – a computer won’t work if it doesn’t have both hardware and software. A computer can’t use software alone without the hardware, the same way its hardware would be useless without software. You got your hardware – your body. You can do small or large changes on it, but that’s for your doctors and you to decide. We’re going to work on the software now.

               How you look is not a reason at all for you be single and/or not happy. Use google, find pictures of couples. Some are ugly, some are beautiful. You’re being tricked, conned and bamboozled into thinking your personality is lower on the list than your looks. How do they do that, you ask? Or you don’t ask, but I’ll answer anyway. You’re forced into feeling guilt and shame. You feel guilty because of what you do (or don’t do) and you feel shame for what you are. Both are rather bad things, with emphasis on shame. A small measure of guilt is good – it shows you your brain works. Shame, on the other hand, is something you want to get rid of. If you don’t break the law you shouldn’t feel ashamed. I’m assuming you’re not breaking the law, here, or whoops, your IP is logged and bye bye.

               You can’t improve much on how you look if you don’t go under the knife. I’d rather you didn’t, also. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make some improvements – if your breath stinks, use mints. If you smell bad, use the shower more. If you’re fat, lose weight or dress accordingly. If.. you get my point. Small improvements are ok. But all that is worth exactly jack shit without a good software for your hardware. Your mind, that one needs improving. An’ boy, you don’ nae go’ any further.

               You were taught things. I was too. Like me, sometimes you’d been growled at for small crap – “boy, you should be ashamed of yourself for not taking your hat of in Sunday church”, or “eat all your food, there’s starving kids in Africa who’d give a hand or leg to have this much to eat”. Or “why aren’t you more like your cousin Edna, she’s a year younger and already won the Crapware award for her essay on the language patters in Shakespeare comedy!”. Or “you’re going to do what I say as long as you live in my house and eat my food – you’re going to be a lawyer and that’s final because I say you don’t have the brains for engineering, what, you want to fail and shame your family?”. You’re taught conformity by guilt and shame. You think that goes away? It’ll be with you when you’re on your death bed if you don’t get rid of it. I’m not saying you ought to be a bad boy or girl, just that after you pass a certain age (like say 20, for instance) you’re better off using logic and pragmatism when dealing with your own life. You think studying art or law or literature will get you where you want to be? Reframe that, actually. What do you think has more chances of you getting a job, something everybody can learn given enough time or something that requires understanding and not mechanical learning? Think again, most people would cram everything they can into their memory as opposed to solving equations. Memorizing stuff isn’t harder than problem solving, even if the quantity commited to memory is ten times more. But not many are willing to go the hard way, it requires analytical thought, it’s easier to pass a literature exam than an engineering one. Not because of what you learn, but because of how you learn. Easy way is the way – you have to please, you have to show prizes and awards for things even if they won’t ever matter later in life, in order to give parents, random people or employers reasons of pride they never could achieve by themselves, and if you’re not doing it then you’re bad and you should feel bad. Sounds familiar?

               Most people won’t use their brains and now they’re teaching us we shouldn’t, either. They can’t out-think us, so they’ll make us believe that doesn’t matter. They fail, so either we fail too or they win by associating themselves with us. Do you think David Beckham really cares about his fans? Why then, when he scores a goal, his fans look like they’re winners? Did they have anything to do with it? Look around at newspapers, tabloids, game shows, hell, even the six o’clock news. Are the news worth the name? Lady Priscilla got new siliconated airbags, Jake McStupid sang at the Colliseum, who gives a shit. It’s not for you, it’s designed to confuse you. It’s for those who already gave up, who believe they exist only by latching themselves to some winner. They’ll believe it too. They’re not good enough for anything else, because hell, everybody else is doing it just like that. Why then, I ask you, should one care what Jackson McGillicrap – the famous runner – thinks on the incredibly actual subject of vaccinations? Is he a doctor? Then why should you care?

               What’s the socially accepted behavior for facebook? Are all your friends on it? Are you on it? If they are, I’d bet my current half-empty bottle of wine you are too. Why? Aren’t you living across the street from them? Don’t you have phones? Do you really need to see what they’re eating or where or who? Do you see them more now, do you talk to them more now than before facebook? Well crap, mon ami, you’re it. Social pressure – they’re making you feel guilty for not doing the same thing they are. So then you’re doing it too – you’ve been conned. There it is.

               You are bombarded by choices, actually that’s wrong you are bombarded by stupid thing marketed as choices. You’re don’t need 99% of those. But who stops to think about them? Think feminism – there’s apparently two sides to it, pro and against feminism – if you believe them folks. Look there, look here, look up there, now back to me – well now, I’m on a horse. There, there, beautiful, it’s bad, I know, waking up..

               It isn’t a choice. It’s common sense. It’s crap clogging your daily routine. If you’re given a hundred so-called choices, chances are you won’t declutter and choose only from those ones that matter. You’ll be confused, you’ll make mistakes – and the usual mistake is to think you’re to do, think or crave to be like those they point out – because then you’re less likely to look at where it matters, at the economy, at the government, at yourself. O yea.. About that.

Post scriptum:

               Hold on to your skivvies sonny boy, this is gon’ be a bumpy ride. And you won’t like it, that’s for sure.


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